Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
