Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
