would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
