i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
