and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
