Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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