So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need water and some morals
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
