Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
