grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
