I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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