so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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