My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
