We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
