can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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