Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
