I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
