i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
