I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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