I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
