You made me cry and you don't even care
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This house was built for laser tag.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
