worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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