I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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