Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
