I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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