WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
