He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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