When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize