Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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