wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
