i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
