when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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