How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
