I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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