My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
