who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
