im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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