I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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