yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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