where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
