sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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