Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
