Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
