I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
