That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
