We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
