Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
