I think I just saw someone hide a body.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
