Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
