I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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