I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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