AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
