Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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