It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
