So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
