If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
