Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
