I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
