I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize