it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
