you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said her name was "party"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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