dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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