There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
...so i touched it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
