so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
