I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
