On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
