I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
