tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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