Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
