If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
