i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
