Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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