I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
