So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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