called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
