i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize