Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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