i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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