false alarm. still invincible.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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