i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
birth control should be required to get into college
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize