i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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