I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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