if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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