Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
