If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
