Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
