i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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