her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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