Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
