go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
