Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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