Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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