i would punch a child for taco bell
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize