I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
